Discouraged

I know I shouldn't look at 'skinny' photos of myself, or even think about the 45kg I have to lose (or now, 43.5). But I have been, and the road just seems to long and too hard. I took a photo of myself at 70kg, and overlaid it with one at 100kg. Why oh why did I think that would be a good idea? In one respect, it certainly gave me a massive jolt to see the difference in my body size, its just enormous. And in another respect, it has only served to make me want to run sobbing for the nearest packet of choccy biscuits. Such an enormous task lays ahead of me. Even though I am trying to only focus on 5kg at a time, I still 'know' that there is such a hard road ahead. I feel like curling up into a blobby ball and just staying there forever.

Why oh why do I find it so hard to lose weight? I have the phone number of a lady I was recommended to talk to, by Flicker from EB. She isn't a dietitian as such, she deals with the mental side of things, getting your mind in the right place so that your body can follow suit. I just wish I could afford it. Her program runs for 8 weeks, and costs $150. You may think that $150 is nothing, but unfortunately for us, it is A LOT of money, esp when we have bills overdue, and squealy car brakes that need fixing, and all sorts of other things more important.

On the positive side (before I really do run off to sit in a corner and cry), Seth, Aliza and I have started to take morning walks together. We pop Aliza into her pram, with her toast and milk, and go for a 30 minute walk around the block. She gets to enjoy the crisp morning air and scenery as she eats breakfast, and we get our exercise in for the day. I must say, I am actually enjoying it. Yes, I come home hot and sweaty, and breathing heavily. But I feel good for having got off my arse and done something. And that seems to set the tone for the day, I do seem to get more done in the day if I have walked in the morning.